Today I decided on a whim to upload some of my old stuff onto the site!
I started with some of my music, and pixel art. It's not much, but it's at least some stuff on here. I hope to make more stuff this year, and add some of my photography on here as well. Hoping I can find some inspiration and muse to get me taking photos again as well. And definitely gotta add pages showcasing my games, but I'll save that for later.
Honestly I've struggled a lot lately to make much of anything. I've been diagnosed with autism, and very likely have some form of focus disorder too. (The doctors that diagnosed me with autism apparently told my mom they're pretty sure I also had adhd but didn't give me a diagnosis cuz I was “improving”) So it's always been a bit of a struggle to get things done.
I had managed to get different things done here and there for awhile, but it's suddenly dried up hard. I attribute that to now living in an environment where there is no real capability for those I'm living with to give me much of the accommodations I need to function. It's been kind of an infinite blast of stimulus overloading my brain and the fact that I manage to get ANYTHING done between it all is kind of amazing. Hopefully we can get a better place some day and handle all of this better.
I get this fun swirl of perfectionism, self doubt, and jittery mind bouncing across a million different things all the time too. I struggle to start some projects as while I would love them I always feel unequipped to get started on it, like I need more and more research forever before I can even get going. When I start a project I get so hung up on different elements and getting them so perfected that I struggle to move on to other elements, I struggle to just make something and worry about the details later. I especially struggle to allow the roughness around the edges that I appreciate from so many other works into my own creations, no matter how much I want them there. I constantly look at the things I've made and feel like they're not good enough to share, and that I'm not good enough to want to share things at all. Then I'll end up dropping all that thought and go off and do something else and keep thinking about that neat thing I am so close to finishing, but will constantly struggle to ever touch again.
It's a lot of stuff I'm sure I'll figure out somewhat, in time. I hope anyways, I feel so itchy without being able to create. I also feel so exhausted and unable to even begin to think about things and focus on the stuff I love anymore. I'll take care of myself tho and hopefully the world will get to see more from this goofy weirdo in time.